Brangelina Bridal Gown

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Reeeeeeeeely?

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely?

First, let the record show that I love children. I celebrate them. And not just my children….pretty much all children!

I appreciate the creativity & innocence of kids & their ability to fearlessly color, sketch, sculpt, paint passionately & play with abandon.

In my own bedroom, a 6×3 foot landscape drawn by my youngest daughter hangs at the foot of the bed above my scarves. It’s a place of honor. I love looking at it last thing before I fall asleep at night & again first thing in the morning. (I think I’m even going to have it professionally framed one of these days.)

I also love weddings. And wedding gowns. Gowns fashioned of fine fabrics & embellishments, constructed by couture craftsmen, filled with thoughtful, well-appointed details, designed to fit and flatter beautiful women as they ascend the aisle.

The fusion of two opposing concepts-of couture & kiddo-is not my favorite thing. In fact, I absolutely, unequivocally hate it.

It’s not my wedding, not my family….not my monkeys, not my circus. I get it.

I’m weighing in anyway. Opinions are like belly buttons; everybody’s got one.

Here’s mine: (and this is as close to a bare midriff that you’ll ever find me)

I’ve been designing weddings and doing flowers, planning & coordinating for 27 years, way before J-Lo was “The Wedding Planner”. I’ve sent well over 2,000 brides down the aisle. If any of my clients wound up with a dress that looked like this, somebody would have been in time-out, gotten grounded until the age of 27, sent to bed with no supper, or had their iPad/pod/phone sold on EBay (or maybe even a gotten a spanking)

I am a purist. My Midwestern, mother-of-two-and-grandmother-of-one practicalities outweigh any sense of sentiment.

I wonder if she had a planner or if she was indeed the ubiquitous “DIY Bride” ? Hmmmmm……

If I had the good fortune (?) of being her planner, here’s what I would have suggested in lieu of coloring on the couture:

-Have the children write & illustrate a small book filled with their favorite drawings, or perhaps tell a story (their family story…a wedding story!) complete with their own artwork. Publish it, and give it to guests as favors. One could give the books as Christmas presents for family & friends not in attendance.

-Use their art in the wedding program. Heck, use it on the cover, embossed or in gold foil!

-Allow the children to draw on the bottom of her & Brad’s shoes with a paint pen or a sharpie. It could even be done in blue for their “something blue”.

-Use the drawings on tins filled with cookies or candy, or canvas swag bags filled with extravagant Hollywood style gifts.

– Print the art directly onto frosted cookies for the guests to take as favors.

-Transfer the children’s art into jewelry–small pendants–that could be tied into moms bouquet.

-Find a concrete wall or cool sidewalk & turn those kiddos loose with chalk the day of the wedding. Afterwards, go have posed candids taken with the chalk art as a backdrop. It would cost a whole $3.00 in chalk & 30 minutes of unbridled creativity.

-You want kiddo’s art embroidered on the couture? Fine. (Rolls eyes) Do it in thread to match the dress so you have texture but no color. Monochromatic. And do it in a pattern that makes sense.

Just so you know, I’ve put no effort into this list. This is just off the top of my head. (I’m sitting in an airport waiting to take off, so I’m just killing time.) Imagine the possibilities if I actually spent time THINKING of alternatives & options.

There IS a place for the art of our beloved children. That’s why God made refrigerators. And scrapbooks. And picture frames. And coffee mugs. And school hallways.

Heck, if I was Brangelina, I’d open up a children’s art museum filled with the works of art from the fruit of my loins. And I’d invite other children to contribute. Especially children from the 3rd world countries where they selflessly give humanitarian aid. Then, sell the art to raise money so they could help even more impoverished children. Maybe they are already DOING that. I wouldn’t know. I don’t pay much attention to celebrities. Until they do something stupid.

With Brangelinas, um, shall we say….resources….the sky (and that no limit American Express card) is the limit when it comes to clever ways to incorporate their children into their wedding day. Oh well. Maybe for their next wedding?

You’ll be shocked to learn that I also think that “trash the dress” is just trashy, tacky, ill mannered & uncouth.

But what do I know? I’m just schlepping out weddings in the cornfield, traveling the tri-state & coast to coast, always “Doing my part to make your world more beautiful”

That’s my core value. My mission statement. I don’t stray from it.

And that’s why I have to say no to children’s art on a wedding dress.

At least she only put it on the back. I wouldn’t want to look at it either.

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Comment(7)
  1. kenju 4 years ago | Reply

    You are so right!! And I love your ideas of how to incorporate the art work without putting it on the dress.

    But……it was her wedding and she was entitled. I just hope that she is as happy about the way it looks in 20 years as she was the day of the wedding.

    • jodiduncan 4 years ago | Reply

      I hope they are still married in 20 years. I’ll be able to overlook the garish display if they are!

  2. Leanna Gearhart-Theye 4 years ago | Reply

    Jodi, I love your comments and totally agree. We can only hope that brides won’t take to this like Mason Jars. But then again, most brides put the wedding before the family and don’t have a full family of children at home to contribute to the wedding. First marriages with children, blended families and second marriages would do well with any of your suggestions. To me it seemed like a joke and their whole attitude about getting married was somewhat of a joke. There was always the idea put forth that they were only doing it because the children wanted them to. The problem is that as a parent they missed out on the opportunity to teach their children that there is something more to a wedding than a party. What a better family gift it would have been to show the serious important commitment marriage is, not something to be taken as a joke. And that is my two cents on the subject.

    • jodiduncan 4 years ago | Reply

      If brides take to this like mason jars & burlap I’m going to cry. I agree with you completely–if folks spent more time, money & effort planning their marriage than their wedding, the world would be a better place!

  3. Mary Thompson 4 years ago | Reply

    I love your comments and I too hope this does not become another bridal fad. If she had to do this, I think it would have been much better to just embroider the veil in a matching color.

    • jodiduncan 4 years ago | Reply

      Thanks for stopping by! Please please please don’t let this be a new trend…..I can only imagine a box of sharpies coming with wedding gown purchases….sigh.

  4. Janet 4 years ago | Reply

    Awesome alternative ideas you had off the top of your head, Jodi!
    I totally agree about the tackiness of this so called wedding dress and with Leanna’s comments above about the wedding. But showmanship is clearly a big part of their lives and the motive in many of her choices throughout her life. Sad really…

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